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While our society continues to teach men to hide or avoid expression of their feelings, those feelings do not go away.They often appear intensely when a man is abandoned by a spouse or partner.
Of course violence is not the most common response to the loss of a relationship but we are all familiar with the many other coping strategies that are less than helpful.A man who is losing his partner will feel out of control of his life.Anger can be a tool to regain power, punishing with words and deeds the person who seems to be causing the pain. “She cheated on me, she was always drinking, she was a lousy wife/mother/sister.” We have all heard these howls from our friends who are separated.One emotion our society does easily accept from men is anger, so it is often anger that we see in men, especially when they are in the presence of others.Usually the intensity of the anger is related to the intensity of the (unexpressed) grief. It can cause men to say or do things that hurt the person who rejected them.